Recreating my Path

Submitted by deedeestar, August 2014

It all started with a calling in a dream. I heard my name,”Deedee, Deedee.” A name that I was not born with and yet I felt a deep connection with it. Sometimes the name is whispered to me as I go about my day. Then one day I listened closely to it, it was my heart calling to me. My heart said my path is not going so well, I’m letting my ego control me instead of me being in control of myself. My heart reminds me that there is no escaping my ego, but I can learn to work with it, and remind it that I am the one in charge. I don’t trust myself enough to take charge in my life. I want to love myself, but perfection gets to me. I rather be happy though.

I live with a family whose energy is always draining me. I want to leave this place with a good message and live on my own. Right now I am searching for jobs and when I am stable enough I will rent a room. Another problem I came upon… I fell in love with someone who made me happy, who touched my heart. We shared this incredible bond between our hearts, but our egos would always make it so difficult for us. One day his ego got the best of him and made him close up. He said we could be friends, but he fought with feelings from his heart that his ego did not want him to feel and he said there will be contact between us no more.

My heart says not to worry, it was too soon for us. We are both struggling to be one with ourselves, a relationship is too overwhelming. Long before I met him, I dreamt of him. I know it’s him because I sensed the same energy as the guy I was in love with in my dream. His character and image were the same too. But the dream represented an us that we have not yet achieved as individuals. We have found peace within ourselves, therefore being able to experience peace with each other. So I ask for guidance on how do I become at peace with myself? I wish to grow as an individual and meet him again when he has grown.